It’s days like these that no matter how much I try, no matter how many distractions I initiate, no matter what the time of day, I am constantly thinking about that thing we call life.
It makes it easy for me to process when I come to the conclusion that I was dealt a really tough set of cards that I inevitably have to deal with on a daily basis. I suppose that makes it ok, no not ok, bearable is probably the word I’m looking for.
No I wasn’t into your two parent white picket fence styled home. No I was not born into a household where “disposable income” was in the dictionary. And no I was not given the opportunities that most kids got in their lives. But you know what, it’s ok, it’s made me the person I am today, at least that’s what I tell myself.
I’ve had to work extremely hard for everything in my life. I’ve always had to go the extra mile and make every second count. Yes I was that kid that stayed in that three hour exam right till the last second, even though I had finished an hour before. I suppose in some ways you could say that I created a life for myself that I could actually call my own, one that I was solely responsible for and so could be grateful in all sense of its meaning.
In other ways… you could just say what the fuck. Unfortunately that gets you nowhere… besides maybe some mild satisfaction.
But you know what, life isn’t fair and that’s just the way it is. You make the most of the cards you’re dealt and bluff your way out of those tight situations. It’s like one big game of poker.
As my friends would say even in the most mundane of situations, the struggle is real. Indeed it is. I guess that is what makes it all worthwhile in the end. If you can persevere and get out of the shit hole that you’re in then maybe, just maybe, it all means something, so much more than your friendly neighborhood rich kid who’s been given everything they could possibly want and more. Again… maybe it’s just something we tell ourselves to feel better. Who knows?
What I do know now however is that the war never stops. You can win the current battle but just be prepared for another. Remember… the dealer is always dishing out cards left right and center In some parallel mythical world there maybe that imaginary finish line that you’ve been looking for. Unfortunately for us however, we are running in a hamster wheel.
I just hope that one day all this hard work will actually pay off and others actually believe in me, my capability, and what I’m trying to achieve with my life and those set of cards. I want nothing more than to tell everyone that I have achieved my dreams, that I am happy, and that they all can do it too if they put their minds to it. Actually I would love to wake up in a Disney film… things always work out there.
-Lost Boy
